Monthly Archives: January 2016

FIRST 100 FOLLOWERS!

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Thanks guys I’m deeply humbled. My first 100 followers! Whoo-hoo!
I really think it’s a big deal to me because I have come to realize that WordPress followers might just be the hardest to get…something like twitter! Haha!
OK…that’s according to me though.

I’ve gotten 100 followers in less than a week. Very nice comments from all of you. Those likes that are coming along are a good motivator too.

It’s super fun to see someone that I consider super cool telling me I’m super cool!
All the people I follow are pretty awesome to me and for them to appreciate what I do…I’m deeply motivated. This is such an awesome and learned family.
Please tell your friends to tell their friends. I wouldn’t have made it this far without all of you.
You guys make me feel like I’ve been doing this forever.

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Many thanks and many kisses.

Yvonne_Kache

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SOMEONE HOLD ME, I’MA HIT SOMEBODY!

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I’ma hit somebody!
I really swear i’ma hit somebody!
If somebody tryna act like he more worthy than my feelings…I’ma hit somebody!

I really hate some type of people. I’m on the same side with anyone who has ever been heartbroken through a relationship without actually earning it.
So someone thinks it’s okay to lie to an innocent other about the fake feelings they have? I really swear I’ma hit somebody!

The worst type of Heartbreakers is the type that acts all nice, uses you then hurts you without even alerting you or giving reason…then they try to come back later when you trying to move on! Damn I really will finally hit somebody!
Look dude, You need to chill! Were you there when I was literally crying myself to sleep every night?
Were you there when I was tryna find someone to talk to every moment just cause of the way you made me feel? Were you there when I tried to call you to find out what I did wrong? I mean dude come on I was willing to take blame… When in real sense I didn’t know what for! Were you there when I always tried to distract myself from thinking about you every single moment? Wait dude, where your behind was at when I tried to fix this. You pushed me away…someone hold me, I’ma hit somebody!

Now you seeing that I started ignoring you and you noticing the distance. So now you tryna text me a lot dude. Now you tryna leave me lots of missed calls.
Where your behind was at when I needed all that attention from you?
You just tryna pull me back then hurt me even more! Tryna take a Range Rover just to run over my little fragile heart? I swear damn….I’ma hit somebody!

There are just some people who think they got the right to use people and dump them as soon as they get tired. Give no explanations, you just have to read in between the lines and skip to the next paragraph. Be careful of such people who treat you so bad and never even do anything special for you, they’ll kill you slowly and you’ll end up taking blame even in their place. At this point, I’d rather wait for marriage or forget about love completely! But I will never act desperate where I have no value. What do you get from a useless person who can’t even go out of their way to please you? Even when you treat the relationship seriously, they just feel like they deserve better than you. In real sense, you deserve better than them.

Walk out of such relationships and keep safe by NEVER going back to licking your vomit!

The situation can be two ways: a guy trying to treat you bad or a female doing the same. Don’t condone it especially since you deserve better. Keep those tears for that partner who will make you happy enough to shed tears of joy.
No guy should treat me bad and try to come back after I’m trying to move on.

Go on and take a bow!

Yvonne_Kache

THE HOTLINE JUST DON’T BLING NO MORE.

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I do not see why any guy should try and act Alladin if he ain’t.
You know the rule, don’t mess with the heart if you not willing to be there for the long run.
So nice, better than sweet, funnier than Kevin Hart…you do anything to get in. So it’s not enough that you put on too much cologne when you come to see us, now you even got tattoos on your body. Good luck trying to be “the Chris Brown”. We are smatter than before now, we know all you really want is to pass time and play.

I also object to you acting like Jasmine if you really are not. You smile at almost everything he says, tell him his arms are big, blush even when his comment sounds like toilet air and I know you usually lift one leg up when he kisses you. It’s not enough that you fake the love, now you trying to act like a princess with a diary.

I will keep remembering how my friend Diana wanted to prove she loved him. Treated him like a king, saw him as one and wanted to always keep it that way.
Apparently this king had too many thrones to sit on. 4 months down the lane, she lost her innocence to a loser. Seems like the king wasn’t voted in again by the council.

Baby girl focus, these boys don’t love you.

I will certainly not forget my friend George, such a loyal guy. He always invited her to his hostel. To him, she was a goddess! Her scent could kill anyone! He treated her so well. She was a bit older but he was determined. She always showed up and the relationship always had that spark. She used to call him on his cellphone, late night when she needed his love. But the hotline stopped blinging. She started going places with other guys. Made him feel bad and definitely cancelled all the dates.
Made him feel like he did her wrong.

Boy focus! Make money then get any girl you want.

My posts are usually juggled up ideas. But this specific one is for my new friend who is also an awesome blogger. He is the George in this situation. I want him to feel good about himself and to always know that I got him.

I’m sorry bro, she is not worth it and I will surely disagree if you call her Jasmine!

OK .. I’m done now…

Yvonne_Kache

THE INSTAGRAM MADNESS (NOW WIFE ME!)

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“Kill them all, dead bodies in the hallway…” I’m so good at playing these video games by now.

If there’s anyone who tried to get that ring, It would probably be me!
This had to be the guy! I mean…he has to marry me, I’m the exact chic he must have been describing (I mean come on) right?
Scrolling through my Instagram @the_kache, I come across this guy called Dick. I won’t exaggerate, he is not that cute, but hey, I decide to follow anyway, if anything ,I was too desperate for a guy’s attention at that particular time.
His pictures, not too fly, but I like anyway. That was on a Sunday if I should be very specific.
I sleep and the day is over.

MONDAY(Dick’s IG caption).
“If that girl can play that video game better than you…Wife her!”

I COULD NOT BELIEVE THIS! (SO THIS GUY DICK CAN TAKE ME IN IF I LEARN SOME BASIC SKILLS IN THIS CHILDISH DEVICE TECHNOLOGY?)

I quickly download a simple game of “Grand Theft” to try out and get some simple skills. (I get a numb thumb which later breaks.)

TUESDAY (Dick’s IG caption).
“If that girl can rotate over three times while cuddling in bed…Wife her!

WOW! THIS DICK GUY COULD TURN OUT TO BE THE ONE!

I quickly sign up for a simple class of yoga. I normally I have classes from 11-16hrs but I have to take this yoga class the whole day if I wana learn how to rotate!
Sadly…I break two bones. (I still carry on with yoga by the way.)

WEDNESDAY(Dick’s IG caption).
If that girl can shave her hair just so she can look like you…Wife her!

OF ALL THE CONDITIONS DICK HAD GIVEN, THIS WAS THE LEAST HARD FOR ME. I JUST SIMPLY HAD TO TAKE OFF MY WIG AND THROW IT AWAY, I WAS BALD ANYWAY. (The wig is worth 500$ by the way.)

This had been a three days continuous follow up. I was the girl who wanted a ring and was sure I was gonna get it. I just simply couldn’t wait to be “wifed.”

THURSDAY(All or nothing).
On the fourth day, I left a comment on one of Dick’s posts on IG.
Well, I don’t wanna spill the beans, but I was simply asking Dick to meet up in a newly opened cafeteria around town.
He took about 4hours to reply,(he was probably looking through my 1000 posts …which I had posted in “smiles of the side” or what jealous people call…umm…I don’t know what they call that.
The posts in which I had turned my neck backwards and tried to lift my waist so that my behind looked bigger. The posts in which I had twirled my hair (oh I mean the 500$ wig). Finally, the posts I had in which I had posed in some second hand high heels that I had really shined before taking some butt shots with the mercy of my neighbour’s S4 right before using the “Reyes” filter.

“Gorgeous… I say 6pm. My number is #
You earned it doll face. See you tomorrow!” A reply comment finally came back.

I couldn’t believe it!

FRIDAY (Dick and I).
30minutes to the date I quickly put myself together.
Broken thumb! Two broken bones! A bald girl!
If there is anything this had taught me, is that Dick wanted someone real and  true.
I put on that normal cheap swagg; rugged jeans and the black converse …took a face towel in case it gets hot outside. (Yeah…a face towel).
I started experimenting on my left hand especially where Dick was supposed to put the engagement ring. I just couldn’t believe it was finally happening. I took my wallet which had the face of a rhino on it, I put some drinking water in a tomato sauce bottle and left the house.

As I entered the cafeteria I saw that he was already seated. I gracefully took my bald headed body, broken bones and misplaced thumb and sat down next to him.
He looked at me dismissively and forced a smile.
“I’m sorry, but that seat is taken.”

I smiled, he was so funny.
I took the face towel and wiped my face, it was kind of hot.

I introduced myself to the now already sweating guy and added how happy I was that he was going to marry me.
It hit him, I was the girl with the 1000 posts.
I made it very clear to him that I had very good experience in playing video games, rotating and living my life with shaved hair just so I can look like my man.

He sneezed continuously before he excused himself to go to the gents room.
I waited for about 30 minutes before I started looking around…I figured that he probably had a stomach problem.
From 6:30pm. It was now 9:15pm and they wanted to close the cafeteria. The waiter made it clear to me that the gents room was at the opposite direction to the direction that Dick had taken.
That name really suits him. I cried for a while .

I took my bald head, broken thumb and pushed my broken bones out of the cafeteria door.

Dear friend, most of what they post on Instagram is a lie.

I DELETED MY ACCOUNT.

Yvonne_Kache

MY FRIEND WITH A WEIRD NAME.

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I’m erasing all the memories I have had with friends, Let me leave family out of this. I’m talking about all my friends but one old friend keeps nagging! He has been here all through…I mean come on! People come and go but he always insists on being here. He sees all that I do…He knows the result of it all because simply …he has seen everyone experience all these things. I wish he wasn’t around sometimes. I don’t like him…but he is here! I just have to live with him. I’m serious about this though…I’m kicking all you ‘friends’ out. Out you go! Out of my life! I don’t want anybody…but i guess I will have to keep only him with me. Now he is giving me rules…If I want to live around here…I have to let all you ‘friends’ back in. “I don’t want to!” I yell. “You have to!” He yells back. I’m lost…I’ll just do what he says. He says he knows my name. I’m bored and bothered at this point.
He tells me his name…”Universe”.
I’m not interested at all by the time he introduces himself! What kind of name is that? What happened to the normal “Tom,Dick and Harry”? He starts talking about himself in third person…

“The universe will always be the same. Taking in those who want to live, helping to crush those who want to be broken, training the wise ones to survive and join the ultimate glory in heaven and definitely eroding those who want to be evil to the hot welcoming gates of hell.
He gives all of us a chance…He let’s us decide…He gives us space, but then comes in when we lose ourselves(If you are lucky).
The universe warns you little lost soul…You will not live forever. Little lost soul, you will not always have chances to make choices. Little lost soul, it will come a time when you will lose yourself. Little lost soul, are you in peace with yourself? Little lost soul, you have this tendency of pleasing others…getting hurt because of others… losing yourself because of others .
You are broken little soul…oh little lost soul! I cry because of the pity I feel for you. Your trend is the piercings…that marijuana…that Smirnoff… that rudeness to your parents…that hate for your brothers and sisters.
Your ‘Not Trend’ is listening to your professor or teacher. “My mother speaks too much” you say. “That pastor repeats himself every Sunday!” you lament.
But you let people crush you poor lost soul…you invest your time in meaningless friendships and relationships.
But do you think about your future? I’m patiently waiting to erode you into the hot welcoming gates of hell!”

A tear drops from my eye. At this point I’m interested but scared.
I look at my friend Universe, he takes a sip of water from my glass and looks down in total disappointment. He starts to move back slowly…one step back…second step back…
He starts to slowly fade from my eyes…
“Stop! Please stop!” I shout. Give me another chance.
He fades even more as he takes more steps back….
“I will always be here with the rest even after you are lost…nobody cares, but you should…The ball is on your coat now …little lost soul,” says my friend Universe as he completely fades.
“My friend!” I shout once more as another tear drops from my right eye.

“Yes! I’m your friend with a weird name… Jump up high and lift up your arms before I erode you, you don’t have that many chances any more…” He completely disappears.

I kneel down and cry knowing that I have to make better choices from now on, but then I remember my friend Universe and jump up high and lift my arms.

“Do not erode me!” I’m completely desperate at this point.

Yvonne_Kache

LET’S MEET HALFWAY(YOU DON’T KNOW ME!)

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See the thing is…I don’t want people to feel like they know me too well. I have a lot in my mind, too much that none of you may know about. Well that should be a shock! I’m just freshly eighteen years old, I mean…everyone is probably older than me! But you never knew that…see that’s the point…YOU DON’T KNOW ME TOO WELL.
I choose my words according to my audience. Complicated and hard vocabulary with the learned people, Weak grammar and poor slang with the ones I call “by the way” and for the people who treat themselves like the “normals of the world”, I also choose to speak the normal language. You know…by that I mean that I mix that slang, put that hard vocabulary in there…I try to meet the ‘normals’ at the middle.
I tell you now…Lucky are the normals because they mostly don’t fake. Lucky are the normals because they don’t have to struggle to understand my hard vocabulary or weaken themselves into the circle of the cheap slang!
I meet them halfway.
Well now you know that at just eighteen I’m trying to juggle with your mind. You don’t understand me. You don’t understand the idea in this blog. YOU DON’T KNOW ME. I don’t want to be minimized or expanded unnecessarily… If I’m complicated, Normal or in your list of cheap slang buddies, take me as I am…not who I was because you don’t know who I will be.
See what I did with your mind there?
No you don’t…because YOU DON’T KNOW ME.
I’m not the complicated, the cheap slang and definitely not one of you ‘normals’…Let me leave you complicated.

Yvonne_Kache

FREE MY BROKENNESS

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Lord please see me…see my heart, a mangled wreck. It starts so sweet, an emotion so beautiful only to shatter you if it MUST end when you are still into it. Its called LOVE, I wonder why people don’t write about it no more. The depression, the sadness, the lonliness…I’m in the gutter. You know me Lord, I was faithful about this, he was faithful too (or so I choose to think) because I never saw fault. The fault was there, but in other areas… But unfaithfulness, No he hadn’t! Well at least not so far.

I’m broken Lord, Please see my weak heart and help me through this. I hate music now…because we always listened together, I feel sadness in every tune, Drake wouldn’t do me any good now. The worst part is that I have to end this, knowing very well I’m still in love. Help me not to go back to my past. Help me resist my temptation. The kisses, the touches, the good times spent…I shouldn’t think about it! Lord please mend my broken heart. It is for the best. Oh yes it is. Lord please save me FOR me. I shall survive. 

Yvonne Kache

Yvonne_Kache